> DEATZ BEATS

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And… I guess I love European Hotel Bar Lounge Music, which is by decree, a new genre of of music. Here is a list of music that I want to hear in a European hotel bar lounge. The beats get a little beat-ier as the list progresses, but that’s how an evening should go, right?

Allow me to set the scene…

You are sitting at a hotel bar in Barcelona (“Bar-thu-lona”) or Paris, or Amsterdam – it doesn’t matter, let’s call it Parthelonadam. I mean, you’re in EUROPE, right? RIGHT? And out of the bar window you see a sunset and buildings that drip like the Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali, and you order an… espresso martini — because you are THAT cool and, anyways, you love them — and the bartender gives you an evil eye that you mistake for a wink. 

Your espresso martini arrives 10 minutes later — ten minutes!!! — and it has FOUR coffee beans.  FOUR! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!?  And it’s not cold. It is, in fact, warm. You lift your eyebrows in a question to the bartender. He shrugs and points to a sign that says something in not-English. You point your ChatGPT at it, and it tells you that it says, “Sorry, no ice until December.” Meanwhile, the woman on your left is drinking a mojito loaded with crushed ice.

You sigh. You shrug back to the bartender and smile. Hot damn, you’re in Parthelonadam. IN EUROPE!!!

You pull out a cigarette, and fire that baby up. Yeah, you’re in Europe. People smoke here. The grains are organic. The fruit is organic. The tobacco is organic. Everything is good for you. 

The smoke wanders back through the hotel lobby, tracing a path to the elevators — I mean, the stairs — and you are reminded that you’re waiting for your friends. You had to stay back at the hotel today with the runs. You say it’s because the glassware last night was dirty, but the truth is that you are lactose intolerant and you ordered a glass of milk with dinner last night because you heard that milk in Europe, being organic, wouldn’t irritate you. What were you thinking? Milk with dinner? WTF? You also drank four espresso martinis and 10 beers and you were brutally hung over. Still are, if you’re being honest.

Anyways, your friends are cleaning up and changing from a day gallivanting around town, and you finally notice the music. 

Quiet(ish). Nice beat. Pleasant. Easy. Not like old school easy listening but easy like a comfortable leather sofa. Or a Lovesac. Or an ear massage. Or a hug from an almost forgotten crush. You know, NICE.

And damn. The music is sweet. You wonder to yourself why you’ve never heard these tunes before? “Huh,” you say to yourself, but you don’t bother to Shazam anything. You just relax. In a European hotel. Listening to cool Eurpoean Hotel Bar Lounge tunes. Loving life. Waiting for your friends. 

You light another cigarette, order another espresso martini, and your stomach starts to gurgle. 

That’s it. That’s the scene. And seriously, this is some seriously cool music, even if my buddy looks down his nose at it. He can if he wants. I mean, not everyone appreciates good, cool, fun music, right?

Track List

Chet Faker – No Diggity
Sofi Tukker – Moon Tattoo
Parra for Cuva – Cold Heart
Sticky Fingers – Gold Snafu
Bob Moses – Leave Like This
Troyboi – Say Yeah
RÜFÜS DU SOL – Music is Better
Alison Wonderland – Anything
Deep Dish – Fire (Deep Mix)
Kasbo – Drift

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